I finished the UpStart Venture Accelerator application I was working on for so many days, and I feel the need to document publicly here that I am so freakin proud. In the course of completing this application I re-taught myself how to write our fiscal year budget such that now I actually understand it, I wrote descriptions of our programs, mission and vision that articulate what we’re up in the clearest way thus far, I incorporated wisdom I gleaned from past (rejected) funding applications, and I went to sleep at a sort-of normal-ish time every night. (Just one very salient example re: my budget insight was that I haven’t been including volunteer staff hours as in-kind donations, and wowza, that just really changes everything. I still did it in sort of a namby-pamby way in which I underpaid, in this theoretical listing of what their/our time is worth, the staff that I am not actually paying anyway. Equal pay for equal work, yo! Even in the theoretical estimated world of in-kind donations! Will have to fix that for next time. Ok, wait, back to positive affirmations…) Most importantly, for the last day of work on the application I was totally singularly focused most of the day, totally tuned in to sharing our work and our budget with clarity. That being tuned in-ness, being at the edge of my creative capacity but totally feeling up to the task of learning, is one the most glorious modes ever.
Does all that make it any more likely that we’ll get this opportunity that we’ve applied for? Hard to say. Were there things that I could have polished even more if I wasn’t still scrambling to tie up loose ends at the last minute? Yes, always. But like all of my favorite internet memes are always cheering, it’s important to celebrate the wins. And as the Zohar and all the Hasidic rebbes are always saying (l’havdil from internet memes), the World to Come is actually the World that is Always Arriving (we just have to focus and connect enough to tune into it), and I feel the same is true about succeeding in our work in the world. When we are focused and tuned into learning what we need to learn, we become aware of the success that is always arriving, that is already here right now. Also, especially with regard to properly understanding how to write a budget I think this must be a tiny spark of what the Rebbe Reb Samin Nosrat must have felt when she finally had inspired awareness, oh! It’s all about Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat! Then all she had to do was organize that into a compelling, useful and clear book, no big deal, it only took her four years.
Since I actually feel as though I’ve won an Oscar or something, I would like to take the opportunity to thank the Academy…or rather, Ezra (age 7) who was home due to a professional development day at his school, and managed to keep himself occupied for virtually the whole day by -davening from his children’s Koren siddur on his own -doing extra chores for spending money (unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the random broken toys and debris out of the backyard) -various art projects -making himself lunch with minimal help from me -watching some Magic School Bus and then turning off the computer without complaint - listening to audio book version of Fantastic Mister Fox and other Roald Dahl animal stories. And he even cheered Yay, Mama! when I submitted it. Thank you also to Ann, my mother-in-law who picked up the littles (ages 3 & 4) from preschool and took them to the library so I could have the extra hour to work until the application was due. And of course, thank you to Ariel who gifted me with many extra work hours and many get-out-of-doing-bedtime-free cards during the long Martin Luther King Jr. weekend, and for the unending cheerleading and encouragement.
All in all, I can tell when I’ve put good work into something when, upon finishing it, I don’t feel like I need to run away and never think about anything related again, but instead feel a bit like a lucha libre wrestler, ready for the next round.